How do you set boundaries when it can feel like changing the world requires laying yourself bare? When coming out as intersex and going public in the media with my own story as a teen, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Fellow intersex advocates share the tips and boundaries they wish they’d had.

By Hans Lindahl
and interACT Youth Members

 

Illustration on themes of coming out as intersex, having boundaries in advocacy. Image shows a person, numbly smiling and staring off into the distance, surrounded by hands making thumbs up gestures. The background is intersex flag colors.

 

I’ll always remember a sweltering Chicago summer day I spent sipping smoothies across from one of my teenage idols. 

As an intersex kid growing up in a sheltered suburb, I didn’t see anyone like me in the media, or anywhere else in my life. To my pleasant surprise, almost every time I asked, more experienced intersex advocates were glad to make time for conversations. On that day, I’d grabbed time with one I really admired between sessions at a conference. I know now that every person who is public-facing around advocacy for their identities is, of course, still simply a person. But as a teen who knew nothing about what it meant to speak out, getting time with someone who seemed more seasoned felt like seeing stars.

We chatted about life. They listened supportively to me describing the first public talk I’d ever given on intersex issues. I recall saying something to the effect of, “It went really well! Dozens of people wanted to ask questions afterward, so I stayed late.”

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